Growing Up and Other Lies (FILM REVIEW)

Growing Up and Other Lies

Film Review by Kam Williams

Crude Quartet Roams around Manhattan in Meanspirited Buddy Dramedy 

            Jake (Josh Lawson) is finally fed up with New York after years of trying to make it as an artist in the city. So, right before he’s set to move back home to Ohio, he summons his three BFFS, Rocks (Adam Brody), Gunderson (Wyatt Cenac) and Billy (Danny Jacobs), to the northern tip of Manhattan for an impromptu gathering.

            The plan is to spend the day reminiscing about their misspent twenties while traversing the entire 260 block-length of the island. The trip starts inauspiciously enough, with one of them vomiting on a train platform at 7 in the morning.

            Next, another makes an offensive overture to an elderly woman sitting on a bench, asking whether she’d like to sit on his finger. Later, Gunderson goes out of his way to hurt the feelings (“I thought you’d be dead by now”) of a woman (Lucy Walters) he’d ostensibly seduced and unceremoniously dumped after a one-night stand.

The crude quartet also offers dubious, unsolicited dating advice to teenage girls attending an elite prep school, suggesting they avoid romance at all costs, since it invariably leads to having one’s heart broken. We also witness them dismantling a “Broadway” street sign, and giving a hard time (“How much for everything?”) to a working-class clerk at a farmer’s market. And Rocks (nicknamed for his huge gonads), whose fiancée (Lauren Miller) is nine-months pregnant, risks missing the birth of his baby in order to participate in the interminable, 13-mile trek down memory lane.

            Co-written and co-directed by Danny Jacobs and Darren Grodsky, Growing Up and Other Lies is a meanspirited, misogynistic dramedy masquerading as a nostalgic male-bonding adventure. But this meeting of The He-Man Woman Haters Club (ala TV’s Little Rascals) merely takes delight in insulting females at every turn.   

Its lame excuse for a plot presumes to thicken when Jake learns that Tabatha (Amber Tamblyn), the ex he still loves, has just broken up with her boyfriend and is suddenly on the market. Will he still pack up and leave, or will he postpone his plans to return to the Midwest in light of this development? Unfortunately, given how unlikable a protagonist we have here, you’re more inclined to root against than in favor of a romantic reunion.

Who wants to watch four, obnoxious, testosterone-fueled slackers vent their vile on a gauntlet of unsuspecting victims?

Poor (½ star)

Unrated

Running time: 90 minutes

Distributor: E1 Entertainment

To see a trailer for Growing Up and Other Lies, visit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Fn2vbw0120

The Switch DVD

DVD Review by Kam Williams

Headline: Aniston and Bateman’s Biological Clock Comedy Comes to DVD

Unmarried Kassie Larson (Jennifer Aniston), a career-oriented, NYC television producer, is desperate to have a baby because she hears her biological clock ticking. She reflexively rejects the offer of her BFF Wally (Bateman) to serve as the sperm donor because he’s a hypochondriac, and she doesn’t want a child carrying DNA with the same traits.
But rather than retain the anonymous services of an artificial insemination clinic, Kassie settles on Roland (Patrick Wilson), a seemingly happily-married stranger who meets her requirements, being tall and handsome with a good sense of humor. Next, she invites all her friends over for an “I’m Getting Pregnant Party” during which an inebriated Wally, in a fit of jealousy, sneaks into the bathroom to replace Roland’s semen with his own before Kassie has had a chance to inject any into her womb.
Soon enough, she’s expecting, quits her job, and moves home to Minnesota which she considers a better place to raise a child. Fast-forward seven years and she’s returning to New York with six year-old Sebastian (Thomas Robinson), having been seduced back to the Big Apple by the dangling carrot of a plumb position at ABC-TV.
Once settled in Manhattan, Kassie introduces her son to Wally who can’t help but notice a resemblance in that the kid is afflicted with the same concatenation of tics and neuroses as he. Mom also contacts Roland, Sebastian’s supposed biological father, who is now conveniently divorced. As love blossoms between Kassie and Roland with matrimony looming on the horizon, the fly in the ointment is the possibility of Wally’s spilling the beans about Sebastian’s paternity in order to and ruin the wedding plans.
Resting upon a patently-felonious premise more criminal than humorous, The Switch is never funny and elicited exactly one unforced laugh from this critic. A worse protagonist to win the girl’s heart in the end is hard to imagine, for unrepentant Wally, like a true unrecovered alcoholic deep in denial, avoids taking ownership of his deliberate frustration of Kassie’s desires or his violation of her body.
A morally-bankrupt, romantic comedy not recommended for impressionable young minds or even for entertainment-starved shut-ins.

Poor (½ star)
Rated PG-13 for nudity, sexuality, profanity, drug use and mature themes.
Running time: 101 Minutes
Distributor: Lionsgate Home Entertainment
DVD Extras: Deleted scenes and a “Behind-the-Scenes” featurette.

Our Family Wedding DVD

DVD Review by Kam Williams

Headline: Cliché-Ridden Cross-Cultural Comedy Comes to DVD

Is the idea of a Chicano marrying an African-American really all that shocking? Maybe it is in Los Angeles where gang warfare has brothers and cholos gunning down each other in bloody drive-bys. Elsewhere, I suspect it’s not that big a deal, but don’t tell that to the Ramirezes and the Boyds, the clans that come to butt heads in Our Family Wedding.
L.A. natives Lucia Ramirez (America Ferrara) and Marcus Boyd (Lance Gross) fell in love on the East Coast where he was studying to become a doctor while she volunteered at a charter school. But now they’re returning to Los Angeles to inform their parents of their plans to marry in two weeks.
Trouble is their fathers (Forest Whitaker and Carlos Mencia) already know and hate each other and the impending nuptials only gives the prejudiced patriarchs an excuse to up the antipathy. So, each does his best to control the couple’s wedding plans to reflect their respective cultural traditions: Catholic vs. Baptist, jumping the broom vs. a veil and lasso, etcetera.
Since I’d seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding, I think I know what director Rick Famuyiwa was shooting for, namely, a heartwarming, cross-cultural comedy loaded with laughs. Unfortunately, this mean-spirited, cliché-ridden shockfest fails to measure up in any meaningful way.
The flick’s lame attempt at ethnic humor is mostly of the “Once you go black, you don’t go back.” and “Is it true what they say about black guys?” stale stereotyping variety. The unoriginal scriptwriters show precious little in the way of creativity, given their milking both inadvertent ingestion of Viagra and cake in the face for laughs twice.
Even the pat resolution, overlaid with unearned sentiment, is annoying, especially the gratuitous, wedding reception dance scene. That device is conveniently employed to suggest that all the scatterplot’s loose ends have been tied, as the former adversaries shimmy up a Soul Train line together.
I just saved you a lot of aggravation. You owe me.

Poor (½ star)
Rated PG-13 for brief profanity and sexuality.
In English and Spanish with subtitles.
Running time: 90 Minutes
Distributor: Fox Home Entertainment
DVD Extras: 6 deleted scenes, 2 extended scenes, a gag reel and “Til Dads Do Us Part” featurette.

Hot Tub Time Machine DVD

DVD Review by Kam Williams

Headline: Raunchy Time-Travel Comedy Arrives on DVD

This relentlessly-vulgar exercise in depravity easily outdoes many of the earlier examples of the shock genre, such as There’s Something about Mary (1998) where Cameron Diaz mistakes semen for hair gel? Here, you better brace yourself for the sight of a guy messily ejaculating all over the face of one of his buddies.
Or how about the Oedipal overtones of Back to the Future (1985), where Michael J. Fox found himself fending off his own mother’s advances. By contrast, in this case we have a character who travels back in time to watch himself being conceived by his naked mom during a drunken one-night stand.
The movie also makes an allusion to more recent teensploits, such as The Hangover (2009) which featured a convicted sex offender molesting a missing infant. Here, we have incest instead of pedophilia, with a man erotically massaging his grown son’s private parts.
This sort of tasteless fare proves to be par for the course in Hot Tub Time Machine, a cinematic sign of the imminent collapse of Western Civilization. The movie stars John Cusack, Craig Robinson and Rob Corddry as best friends, each in the midst of a midlife crisis.
At the point of departure, we learn that Adam’s (Cusack) just been dumped by his girlfriend; Nick’s (Robinson) controlling wife (Kellee Stewart) is cheating on him; and clinically-depressed Lou (Corddry) feels he has nothing to live for, between his alcoholism and erectile dysfunction.
So, they plan a vacation to the same ski resort which served as the site of their sordid sexual conquests during the lost glory days of their misspent youth. Upon their arrival at the Silver Peaks Lodge, the buddies find themselves magically deposited in 1986 for a second go-round as bawdy bachelors, courtesy of an electrical short circuit of the hot tub they’re marinating in. The story doesn’t bother to offer a plausible scientific explanation for this astounding development, nor as to why our heroes suddenly look young again to everyone other than each other.
At heart, this sleazy flick is a titillating, homoerotic fantasy masquerading as a nostalgic, male-bonding opportunity. A kinky cross of Caligula and Back to the Future!

Poor (½ star)
Rated R for nudity, graphic sexuality, crude humor, drug use and pervasive profanity.
Running time: 100 Minutes
Distributor: MGM Home Entertainment
DVD Extras: Original and unrated versions, 9 deleted scenes, and theatrical trailers.

Hot Tub Time Machine

Film Review by Kam Williams

Headline: Buddies Travel Back to the ‘80s in Raunchy Road Comedy

If the ostensible objective of each generation of raunchy road comedies is to up the ante in terms of debauchery, then Hot Tub Time Machine definitely deserves to be given its due, since this relentlessly-vulgar exercise in depravity easily outdoes many of the earlier examples of the shock genre. For instance, remember that moment in There’s Something about Mary (1998) where Cameron Diaz mistakes semen for hair gel? Well, now you better brace yourself for the sight of a guy messily ejaculating all over the face of one of his buddies.
Or how about the Oedipal overtones of Back to the Future (1985), where Michael J. Fox found himself fending off his own mother’s advances. By contrast, in this case we have a character who travels back in time to watch himself being conceived by his naked mom during a drunken one-night stand?
The movie also makes an allusion to more recent teensploits, such as The Hangover (2009) which featured a convicted sex offender molesting a missing infant. Here, we have incest instead of pedophilia, with a man erotically massaging his grown son’s private parts.
This sort of tasteless fare proves to be par for the course in Hot Tub Time Machine, a cinematic sign of the imminent collapse of Western Civilization. Directed by Steve Pink (Accepted), the movie stars John Cusack, Craig Robinson and Rob Corddry as best friends, each in the midst of a midlife crisis.
At the point of departure, we learn that Adam’s (Cusack) just been dumped by his girlfriend; Nick’s (Robinson) controlling wife (Kellee Stewart) is cheating on him; and clinically-depressed Lou (Corddry) feels he has nothing to live for, between his alcoholism and erectile dysfunction.
So, Adam and Nick decide to try to cheer up their pal by planning a vacation getaway to the same ski resort which served as the site of their sordid sexual conquests during the lost glory days they all so sorely miss. And for good measure, they bring along Adam’s video-game-addicted nephew (Clark Duke), an agoraphobic who needs to get out of the basement.
Soon after their arrival at the Silver Peaks Lodge, the buddies find themselves magically deposited in 1986 for a second go-round as bawdy bachelors, courtesy of an electrical short circuit of the hot tub they’re marinating in. The story doesn’t bother to offer a plausible scientific explanation for this astounding development, nor as to why our heroes suddenly look young again to everyone other than each other.
However, they do determine that they really have been teleported back a quarter of a century by asking someone whether Michael Jackson is black or white. That line might have been funny were the Prince of Pop still alive. But it goes over like a lead balloon in the wake of his recent passing.
Other questionable skits which should have hit the cutting room floor include projectile vomiting on a defenseless squirrel, an adult prompting a child to share his Ritalin, and a running joke about how the ski lodge’s bellboy (Crispin Glover) lost his arm in an accident. Nonetheless, in essence, this sleazy flick is a titillating, homoerotic fantasy masquerading as a nostalgic, male-bonding opportunity. Watch as the latent lads indulge their every forbidden fantasy in a drug and alcohol-fueled stupor until the clueless custodian (Chevy Chase) finally figures out how to reverses the effects of the faulty hot tub.
A kinky cross of Caligula and Back to the Future!

Poor (½ star)
Rated R for nudity, graphic sexuality, crude humor, drug use and pervasive profanity.
Running time: 99 Minutes
Distributor: MGM

Our Family Wedding

Film Review by Kam Williams

Headline: My Big Fat Mexican Wedding

Is the idea of a Chicano marrying an African-American really all that shocking? Maybe it is in L.A. where gang warfare has brothers and cholos gunning down each other in bloody drive-bys. Elsewhere, I suspect it’s not that big a deal, but don’t tell that to the Ramirezes and the Boyds, the clans that come to butt heads in Our Family Wedding.
For Lucia Ramirez (America Ferrara) and Marcus Boyd (Lance Gross) fell in love while in grad school at Columbia University on the East Coast. He’s a doctor, and she was studying to be a lawyer, but dropped out (without her parents permission) to volunteer at a charter school. Anyhow, they both hail from Los Angeles, and return to their hometown to inform their parents of their plans to marry in two weeks.
Trouble is Lucia and Marcus’ fathers (Forest Whitaker and Carlos Mencia) already hate each other and their offspring’s impending wedding only gives the prejudiced patriarchs an excuse to up the antipathy. So, they each do their best to control the couple’s plans in accordance with their own cultural traditions: Catholic vs. Baptist, jumping the broom vs. a veil and lasso, etcetera.
Since I’d seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding, I think I know what director Rick Famuyiwa was shooting for, namely, a heartwarming, cross-cultural comedy loaded with laughs. Unfortunately, this mean-spirited, cliché-ridden shockfest fails to measure up in any meaningful way.
The flick’s lame attempt at ethnic humor is mostly of the “Once you go black, you don’t go back.” and “Is it true what they say about black guys?” stale stereotyping variety. The idea-bereft scriptwriters had precious little going for them in the way of creativity, given their milking both inadvertent ingestion of Viagra and cake in the face for laughs twice.
Even the pat resolution, overlaid with unearned sentiment, is annoying, especially the gratuitous, wedding reception dance scene, as that device is conveniently employed to suggest that all the scatterplot’s loose ends have been tied, if assorted adversaries can shimmy up a Soul Train line together. On the positive side, at least a bouncy tune like Earth Wind and Fire’s September is the fastest way to get an audience on its feet to clear a theater.
I just saved you a lot of aggravation. You owe me.

Poor (½ star)
Rated PG-13 for brief profanity and sexuality.
In English and Spanish with subtitles.
Running time: 90 Minutes
Distributor: Fox Searchlight

I Hate Valentine's Day DVD

DVD Review by Kam Williams

Headline: Vardalos’ Disappointing Directorial Debut Due on DVD

If there ever were the cinematic equivalent of a one-hit wonder, it’s Nia Vardalos. In 2002, she won the world’s heart when she co-starred in the charming screen adaptation of her play, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. But judging by the junk she’s served up since then, you have to wonder how so much potential could have possibly vanished into thin air.
First, she wrote, produced and starred in the TV version of Big Fat which was so unwatchable it was canceled after only seven episodes. Then, she took credit for writing and co-starred in a thinly-veiled remake of Some Like It Hot called Connie and Carla which failed to measure up to the Marilyn Monroe classic.
After five years of ostensibly self-imposed exile, Nia has returned to make a couple of poorly-received romantic comedies, My Life in Ruins and I Hate Valentine's Day, dreadful disasters likely to alienate what’s left of her disillusioned fan base. The latter marks not only Ms. Vardalos’ directorial debut but her screen reunion with John Corbett, who was her love interest in Big Fat. But don’t expect to see them regenerate any of that magic up, even though he’s again playing the object of her affection.
Set in NYC, the plot unfolds promisingly enough. Genevieve Gernier (Vardalos) is the owner of Roses for Romance, a flower shop located in lower Manhattan. At the point of departure, Greg Gatlin (Corbett), a bachelor from Georgia, is in the process of renovating a restaurant on the same block.
Sparks fly, yet Genevieve is reluctant to date the dapper Southern gentleman, because she thinks romance is overrated, the name of her store notwithstanding. But egged on by a gay Greek chorus comprised of her two equally-effeminate employees, she decides to give it a go.
The plentiful problems with I Hate Valentine's Day rest not only in the leads’ lackluster liaison but in the insulting stereotypes served up as support characters. From Genevieve’s annoyingly-flamboyant assistants to a sassy sister who tells Greg to “Make that booty call!” to a deferential Asian woman who meekly puts up with being treated like a piece of meat by Greg’s best friend, you wonder how the same woman responsible for Greek Wedding could have written such a cringe-inducing mess.
My big fat Greek flop.

Poor (½ star)
Rated PG-13 for sexuality.
Running time: 89 minutes
Studio: MPI Home Video
DVD Extras: audio commentary by the director, the producers and star Nia Vardalos, and a theatrical trailer.

Youth in Revolt

Film Review by Kam Williams

Headline: Sitcom Features Michael Cera Yet Again as Terminally-Nerdy Teen

Despite turning 21, Michael Cera apparently has no problem remaining typecast as a terminally-nerdy teenager. Since appearing as an awkward geek in Superbad in 2007, we’ve seen the baby-faced thespian play slight variations of the same archetype in Juno, Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist, Paper Heart, Year One and, now, Youth in Revolt.
This time out, he’s Nick Twisp, a 16 year-old with raging hormones who’s obsessed with losing his virginity. How original! And the object of his injection is his proverbial girl next-door, Sheeni Saunders (Portia Doubleday), the prettiest girl living in their seedy trailer park.
Worse than that stale premise, is the script’s stilted dialogue, which must have been lifted verbatim from the picture’s source material, the six-part serial novel of the same name by C.D. Payne. How else can you explain Sheeni’s sounding so unnatural when asking Nick to put some suntan lotion on her back: “Would you mind applying this to my exposed areas?” How weird is that?
Worst of all is the profusion of colorful supporting characters providing practically non-stop comic relief via an array of increasingly bizarre behaviors. Each one is a simplistically-drawn stereotype. Consider Sheeni’s uptight, Bible-thumping parents (M. Emmet Walsh and Mary Kay Place) and her rebellious big brother (Justin Long) whose idea of a practical joke is to lace Thanksgiving dinner with hallucinogenic mushrooms which cause their father to smear mashed potatoes on his own face.
Then there’s Nick’s sexaholic mother Estelle (Jean Smart) who gets over the death of her live-in, loser boyfriend (Zach Galifianakis) by seducing the police officer (Ray Liotta) sent to inform her that he’s just dropped dead of a heart attack in the supermarket. Additional madcap antics arrive courtesy of a menagerie rounded out by Nick’s cradle-robbing father (Steve Buscemi), his 20 year-old girlfriend (Ari Graynor) and a goofy neighbor (Fred Willard) thrown in for good measure.
In order to summon up the courage to seduce Sheeni, Nick relies on encouragement from Francois Dillinger (also Cera), a suave alter ego sporting sunglasses and a pencil-thin moustache. But Francois’ ideas only set off a chain reaction leading legal trouble and leaving Nick facing the prospect of losing his virginity in jail. This and every other skit in this ill-conceived sketch flick falls flat.
As for Michael Cera’s career? Look a falling star! Make a wish!

Poor (½ star)
Rated R for sexuality, profanity and drug use.
Running time: 90 Minutes
Distributor: Dimension Films

I Hate Valentine's Day

Film Review by Kam Williams

Headline: Vardalos Makes Directorial Debut with Disappointing Sitcom

If there ever was the cinematic equivalent of a one-hit wonder, it’s Nia Vardalos. In 2002, she won the world’s heart when she co-starred in the charming screen adaptation of her play, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. But judging by the junk she’s served up since then, you have to wonder how so much potential could have possibly vanished into thin air.
First, she wrote, produced and starred in the TV version of Big Fat which was so unwatchable it was canceled after only seven episodes. Then, she took credit for writing and co-starred in a thinly-veiled remake of Some Like It Hot called Connie and Carla which failed to measure up to the Marilyn Monroe classic.
After five years of ostensibly self-imposed exile, Nia has returned with back-to-back romantic comedies. My Life in Ruins was released in June, but was so poorly received that it’s already out of theaters. Now, she’s foisting the dreadful I Hate Valentine's Day on what’s left of her disillusioned fan base.
The picture marks not only Ms. Vardalos’ directorial debut but her screen reunion with John Corbett, who was her love interest in Big Fat. But don’t expect to see them regenerate any of that magic up, even though he’s again playing the object of her affection.
Set in NYC, the plot unfolds promisingly enough. Genevieve Gernier (Vardalos) is the owner of Roses for Romance, a flower shop located in lower Manhattan. At the point of departure, Greg Gatlin (Corbett), a bachelor from Georgia, is in the process of renovating a restaurant on the same block.
Sparks fly, yet Genevieve is reluctant to date the dapper Southern gentleman, because she thinks romance is overrated, the name of her store notwithstanding. But egged on by a gay Greek chorus comprised of her two effeminate employees, she decides to give it a go, only after laying down the law, namely, that the relationship must end after exactly five dates. However, she has a change of heart at that juncture, setting us up for the quite predictable happily ever after.
The plentiful problems with I Hate Valentine's Day rest not only in the leads’ lackluster liaison but in the insulting stereotypes served up as support characters. From Genevieve’s annoyingly-flamboyant assistants to a sassy sister who tells Greg to “Make that booty call!” to a deferential Asian woman who meekly puts up with being treated like a piece of meat by Greg’s best friend, you wonder how the same woman responsible for Greek Wedding could have written such a cringe-inducing mess.
A big fat Greek flop.

Poor (½ star)
Rated PG-13 for sexuality.
Running time: 89 minutes
Studio: IFC Films

Revenge of the Boarding School Dropouts DVD

DVD Review by Kam Williams

Headline: Middle-Aged Dudes Play Slackers on the Slopes in Dumb Teensploit

It’s always a little weird when actors try to play characters a lot younger than themselves. It’s even weirder when they look almost middle-aged and are faking it as high school dropouts. But that’s what we have with Revenge of the Boarding School Dropouts, an over the top teensploit starring MTV’s Jackass alums Tom Green and Dave England, along with Jason Bothe and some attractive young actresses who were willing to take off their tops.
The wafer thin plot features the aforementioned long-in-the-tooth slackers chasing tail when not snowboarding as members of a competitive team. Although the film’s title implies a spin-off of Revenge of the Nerds, the truth is the storyline doesn’t resemble that college classic in the least. Instead, this bottom-feeder is set far away from any academic institutions, and simply trades in raunchy romance, infantile slapstick and gross-out fare whether the action is unfolding on the slopes or back at the ski lodge.
It’s a sad sign how far the mighty have fallen, when a former cultural comedy icon like Tom Green is associated with a D-flick this putrid. Less a legit movie, than a series of cheap skits that look like it was shot by a drunk in somebody’s back yard in one afternoon and edited that same night in just as much a rush.
A festering, unfunny cauldron of crudeness and carnality.

Poor (½ star)
Rated R for sexuality, nudity, drug use and profanity.
Running time: 94 minutes
Studio: Peace Arch Entertainment

Nora's Hair Salon 2: A Cut Above DVD

DVD Review by Kam Williams

Headline: Sorry Sequel Offends at Every Turn

Who decided that every African-American comedy has to revolve either around a black man in drag, or else around a barbershop or beauty salon? This sorry sequel is of the latter variety, and is just the latest in a long line which includes Barbershop 1 and 2, Beauty Shop, Hair Show, Nora's Hair Salon and the upcoming Miss B’s Hair Salon.
These ghetto-based sitcoms share a familiar storyline, a love story unfolding against the backdrop of an ensemble cast of colorful caricatures. The clownish genre has its roots in Amos ‘n’ Andy, a show which debuted on radio in 1928 and eventually made the jump to television as the first series featuring a black cast. The TV series was grounded by the tempestuous romantic relationship of unemployed and gullible Andy and feisty Queen, a Harlem beautician. But the real reason everybody tuned in was to laugh at the program’s motley collection of lazy, loud and crooked black characters.
One of the first things I noticed about the cover of Nora’s Hair Salon 2 is that it’s promoted by an outfit called BlackChristianMovies.com, ostensibly to con folks into believing that the DVD contains clean and wholesome family entertainment. Yet the dialogue is sprinkled with both the b and s-words, and often treats not only blacks but Asians and gays in a decidedly backwards and un-Christian manner.
Given the recent release of the documentary Hollywood Chinese, I had hoped that we’d be past presenting members of this ethnic group speaking pidgin English and mixing their ‘l’s and ‘r’s. Homosexuals fare no better, as we’re treated to the same flamboyant, effeminate stereotype that’s been around for time immemorial.
The plot concerns itself with the tug-of-war between co-owners Lilliana (Tatyan Ali) and Simone (Stacey Dash) over whether to stay in business. The former is a single-mom sorely in need of a nice guy, preferably a doctor (Mekhi Phifer) to fall head over heels for her. Simone is a selfish shrew you just love to hate. Not to worry, it all unfolds as expected.
The question you need to ask yourself is whether you want to watch a bunch of sassy sisters playing the dozens insulting everyone within earshot for an hour and a half.

Poor (½ star)
Rated PG-13 for profanity and sexual humor.
Running time: 81 minutes
Studio: 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment

Resurrecting the Champ DVD

DVD Review by Kam Williams

Headline: DVD Features Samuel L. Jackson as Hobo in Uplifting Bio-Pic

Hollywood has never been known to let the facts get in the way of an uplifting bio-pic, and this fiasco is no exception. Josh Hartnett stars as Erik Kernan, a struggling sports columnist for the Denver Post who crosses paths with Champ (Samuel L. Jackson), an alcoholic hobo rumored to be Bob Satterfield, a former heavyweight contender way back in the Fifties.
Seeing the story as the scoop which could establish him as a journalist to be reckoned with, Erik bribes his reluctant subject with beer to cooperate for a profile. But only after the paper has already published the piece does it learn that the story is a hoax since the real Bob Satterfield had died in 1977.
Nonetheless, the picture has been packaged as a feelgood flick, expecting you to be tweaked emotionally by the Champ’s nobly inspiring Kernan to mend fences with his estranged son. Unfortunately, the improbable tale unfolds in an utterly unconvincing fashion, and leaves one wondering how a big city paper could fail to check the basic fact of whether the subject of a cover story was dead or alive.
So, it was no surprise to this critic that a little research reveals the movie’s script to bear little resemblance to the real-life events that actually transpired. Turns out that the reporter, J.R. Moehringer, was not fooled by the impostor. Furthermore, instead of ever being an aspiring writer, J.R. was a very-promising Yale grad enjoying a meteoric rise on his way to winning a Pulitzer early in his career.
Pardon me for being offended when a flick revolving around the question of journalistic ethics takes so many liberties with the truth simply to spin a tall tale designed to tug on unsuspecting heartstrings.

Poor (½ star)
Rated PG-13 for violence and brief profanity.
Running time: 112 minutes
Studio: 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment
DVD Extras: Cast and crew interviews, and “The Making of” featurette.

The Brothers Solomon DVD

DVD Review by Kam Williams

Headline: Marriage-Minded Siblings Forget to Be Funny in Funereal Sitcom

After their mother passed away while they were still very young, John (Will Arnett) and Dean (Will Forte) Solomon were so inconsolable that their father, Ed (Lee Majors) was willing to do anything to see his sons happy again. Because they wanted to live near Santa Claus, he agreed to move to the North Pole.
There, the doting dad ended up home-schooling the boys until each had earned a Ph.D. But being book smart is one thing, while being street smart is quite another. And having been raised in a remote area of the Arctic meant that neither John nor Dean ever developed much in the way of common sense or social graces.
Consequently, the anti-social siblings had no luck with girls, which wasn’t a big deal until their dad shared his dying wish with his doctor (Charles Chun) just before slipping into a coma. Upon learning that his last request was for a grandchild, the romantically-challenged dorks decide to focus on fulfilling their dad’s desire before he expires.
Desperate to mate, John and Dean proceed to make fools of themselves as they approach strangers and make impulsive overtures to mate immediately. This is the straightforward premise of The Brothers Solomon, a readily-forgettable romantic comedy which, unfortunately, fails entirely to be funny along the way.
The problems with the production are plentiful, starting with the fact that the protagonists fail to behave in a nerdy fashion. This is compounded by a farcical script which never makes logical sense. So what’s left? Slapstick abounds, such as the sight of a morbidly obese woman (Suzanne Wright) getting hit by a bus right after exhibiting elation at the prospect of becoming a mother. Hah-hah.
Life’s too short for such juiceless, joyless junk.

Poor (0.5 stars)
Rated R for sexuality and profanity.
Running time: 93 minutes
Studio: Sony Pictures Home Entertainment
DVD Extras: Deleted scenes, audio commentary with co-stars Will Arnett and Will Forte, and two featurettes.

The Heartbreak Kid DVD

DVD Review by Kam Williams

Headline: Farrelly Brothers’ Raunchy Remake Released on DVD

40 year-old Eddie Cantrow (Ben Stiller) is having second thoughts about remaining a bachelor after attending the wedding of his ex-girlfriend (Ali Hillis). Most of his buddies have already tied the knot, and even his henpecked best friend, Mac (Rob Corddry), appears to be happily married.
Therefore, when he comes to the rescue of a gorgeous damsel in distress (Malin Akerman) being robbed on Valentine’s Day, he takes it as a sign that the leggy blonde might be Ms. Right. After a whirlwind romance, the Good Samaritan proposes, figuring, how bad could life with her be? Only after they set out on their honeymoon, does he begin to uncover reasons to question the wisdom of his impulsive decision.
As the two become better acquainted, a less endearing side of his bride begins to emerge, from her sordid past to her deviated septum to her foul mouth to her insatiable appetite for rough sex to her $26,000 in cocaine debt. By the time the newlyweds arrive at their oceanfront resort in Mexico, the grouchy groom is already fed up.
So, soon after checking in, he ventures down to the hotel’s bar alone where he proceeds to put the moves on Miranda (Michelle Monaghan), an attractive young woman from Mississippi who’s there with relatives for an annual family getaway. Not only does the creep fail to mention that he’s on his honeymoon, but he doesn’t even let on that he’s married.
This recipe for disaster is the point of departure of The Heartbreak Kid, a sorry remake of the 1972 farce starring Charles Grodin and Cybill Shepherd. Like a typical TV sitcom, the plot turns on the continuing concealment of a big lie which would easily resolve the matter if admitted.
Besides the morally-objectionable storyline, the Farrellys are up to their usual tricks. This means they fill the screen with gratuitous nudity, gross-out bodily function humor, graphically-depicted soft porn and meanspirited potshots at assorted ethnic groups.
An unwatchable mess like this is exactly what you ought to expect from anybody with the unmitigated gall to overhaul Neil Simon.

Poor (.5 star)
Rated R for profanity, female frontal nudity, crude humor and graphic sexuality.
Running time: 118 minutes
Studio: Paramount Home Entertainment
DVD Extras: Six deleted scenes, audio commentary by the Farrelly Brothers, four featurettes, bloopers, gag reel, plus Peter Farrelly’s “Greatest Practical Joke Ever.”

The Heartbreak Kid

Film Review by Kam Williams

Headline: Farrelly Brothers Responsible for Raunchy Remake of 1972 Comedy Classic

40 year-old Eddie Cantrow (Ben Stiller) is having second thoughts about remaining a bachelor after attending the wedding of an ex-girlfriend, Jodi (Ali Hillis). For most of his buddies have by now tied the knot, and even his best friend, Mac (Rob Corddry), appears to be happily married, despite being henpecked.
Therefore, Eddie decides to heed his dad’s (Jerry Stiller) fatherly advice to start looking for love before it’s too late and he loses his last chance at happiness and fulfillment. So, it’s no surprise that when he comes to the rescue of a damsel in distress (Malin Akerman) being robbed right on the street on Valentine’s Day, he takes it as a sign that the leggy blonde might be Ms. Right.
In fact, after a whirlwind romance of just six weeks, the Good Samaritan proposes to Lila, since otherwise she’s about to be transferred overseas by her job as an environmental researcher. Although he didn’t really know her yet, he figured she’s gorgeous, so how bad could life with her be?
Only after they set out on their honeymoon, does Eddie begin to uncover reasons to question the wisdom of his impulsive decision. For as the two become better acquainted, a less endearing side of his bride begins to emerge, from her sordid past to her deviated septum to her foul mouth to her insatiable appetite for rough sex to her $26,000 in cocaine debt. By the time the newlyweds arrive at their oceanfront resort in Mexico, the grouch groom is already fed up.
This recipe for disaster is the point of departure of The Heartbreak Kid, a sorry remake of the 1972 dark comedy starring Charles Grodin and Cybill Shepherd. The original was directed by Elaine May and written by the incomparable Neil Simon, but that script was scrapped by the Farrelly Brothers in favor of a raunchy rewrite reminiscent of their previous collaboration with Ben Stiller, There’s Something about Mary.
Regrettably, this picture pales in comparison to the relatively-amusing Mary, sharing only its shock value, while failing to serve up any side-splitting humor. Granted, by design, Eddie is a despicable character, however, the distasteful scenario which he ‘s embroiled in fails to furnish the audience a reason to find anything funny about his shameful shenanigans.
Soon after checking in, Eddie ventures down to the hotel’s bar alone where he proceeds to put the moves on Miranda (Michelle Monaghan), an attractive young woman from Mississippi who’s there with relatives for an annual family getaway. Not only does the creep fail to mention that he’s on his honeymoon, but he doesn’t even let on that he’s married.
Like a typical TV sitcom, the plot turns on the continuing concealment of a lie which would easily resolve the matter if revealed. But no, evil Eddie rudely keeps up the ruse in order to use Miranda and manipulate her feelings, while cheating on his wife.
Besides the morally-objectionable storyline, the Farrellys are up to their usual tricks. This means they fill the screen with gratuitous nudity, gross-out bodily function humor, graphically-depicted soft porn and meanspirited potshots at assorted ethnic groups.
An unwatchable mess like this is exactly what you ought to expect from anybody with the unmitigated gall to overhaul Neil Simon.

Poor (.5 star)
Rated R for profanity, female frontal nudity, crude humor and graphic sexuality.
Running time: 118 minutes
Studio: Paramount Pictures

The Brothers Solomon

Film Review by Kam Williams

Headline: Siblings Seek to Satisfy Dying Father’s Last Wish in Readily-Forgettable Romantic Comedy

After their mother passed away while they were still very young, John (Will Arnett) and Dean (Will Forte) Solomon were so inconsolable that their father, Ed (Lee Majors) was willing to do anything to see his sons happy again. Because they wanted to live near Santa Claus, he agreed to move to the North Pole.
There, the doting dad ended up home-schooling the boys until each had earned a Ph.D. But being book smart is one thing, while being street smart is quite another. And having been raised in a remote area of the Arctic meant that neither John nor Dean ever developed much in the way of common sense or social graces.
Consequently, the anti-social siblings had no luck with girls, which wasn’t a big deal until their dad shared his dying wish with his doctor (Charles Chun) just before slipping into a coma. Upon learning that his last request was for a grandchild, the romantically-challenged dorks decide to focus on fulfilling their dad’s desire before he expires.
Desperate to mate, John and Dean proceed to make fools of themselves as they approach strangers and make impulsive overtures to mate immediately. This is the straightforward premise of The Brothers Solomon, a readily-forgettable romantic comedy which, unfortunately, fails entirely to be funny along the way.
The problems with the production are plentiful, starting with the fact that the lead actors fail to behave in a nerdy fashion. This is compounded by a farcical script which never makes logical sense. So what’s left? Slapstick abounds, such as the sight of a morbidly obese woman (Suzanne Wright) getting hit by a bus right after exhibiting elation at the prospect of becoming a mother. Hah-hah.
The plot thickens after Janine (Kristen Wiig) agrees to serve as a surrogate mom for the brothers, only to have second thoughts after she’s already being artificially impregnated. This situation is further complicated when news of the arrangement reaches the ears of her foul-mouthed boyfriend, James (Chi McBride), a plus-sized janitor with a bad attitude.
[Spoiler to follow]
The plot relies on a big twist which arrives when the newborn turns out to be half black, a surprise which John, Dean, and their conveniently coming out of the coma father all take in stride, given that, as a result of the ruse, they still don’t have an heir. Yet, they make peace with the predicament, and even think it’s cute when the infant utters his first word, “F*ck!” thus leaving no doubt that James must be the father.
A bomb for bigoted ignoramuses inclined to believe the worst about black babies from birth, as if certain bad behavior is inherited.

Poor (½ star)
Rated R for sexuality and profanity.
Running time: 91 minutes
Studio: Screen Gems

Resurrecting the Champ

Film Review by Kam Williams

Headline: Reporter Befriends Hobo in Unconvincing Bio-Pic

Hollywood has never been known to let the facts get in the way of an uplifting, overcoming-the-odds bio-pic, and Resurrecting the Champ is no exception. Based on the Los Angeles Times article of the same name written by J.R. Moehringer in 1997, the film revolves around an aspiring journalist who stakes his teetering career on a feature about a homeless ex-boxer while simultaneously learning a valuable lesson about father-son relationships in the process.
The picture stars Josh Hartnett as Erik Kernan, a sports columnist for the Denver Post who has a hard time avoiding invidious comparisons with his late father, a fondly-remembered radio personality from the Mile High City. Not only is he getting grief from his boss (Alan Alda) who complains that his submissions’ “lack personality,” but his wife, Joyce (Kathryn Morris), the paper’s star reporter, has just asked him for a divorce.
Though disturbed by this state of affairs, Erik is motivated by a fear of being separated from his six year-old son, Teddy (Dakota Goyo), to do whatever it takes to establish himself in the profession. An unlikely opportunity at redemption arrives the day he crosses paths with Champ (Samuel L. Jackson), an alcoholic hobo rumored to be Bob Satterfield, a former heavyweight contender whose heyday was way back in the Fifties.
Seeing the story as the scoop which could establish him as a writer to be reckoned with, Erik pleads with his reluctant subject to cooperate, explaining that “This article is my title fight.” Bribed with beer and ringside seats to a local boxing bout, Champ miraculously transforms into a spiritual soul-baring sage sharing life lessons about marriage, child-raising and fulfillment, even though he’s apparently been unable to follow his own advice or do anything about his own dire straits.
Tinseltown has enjoyed a long love affair with this sort of down-and-out black character blessed with an endearing selflessness before, such as in The Green Mile and The Legend of Bagger Vance. However, here, we have a slight variation on that familiar theme, and it is that deviation which fatally dooms the Resurrecting the Champ.
[Spoiler to follow, so stop reading this review now, if you plan to see the movie.]
For, only after Erik publishes his piece does he learn that he had been hoodwinked because the real Bob Satterfield had died in 1977. Nonetheless, the picture has been packaged as a feelgood flick, as the audience is expected to be tweaked emotionally by the notion that Champ has still somehow provided a noble service by inspiring Kernan to focus on mending fences with his estranged son.
However, the preposterous hoax is portrayed in an utterly unconvincing fashion, and leaves one wondering how a big city paper could fail to fact check whether the subject of a cover story was dead or alive? For this reason, it is not surprising to learn that the movie script bears little resemblance to what actually transpired.
In real life, author J.R. Moehringer was not duped and disgraced by any impostor, but quite the opposite. His Resurrecting the Champ article was a Pulitzer Prize finalist. Furthermore, he had no famous father’s shadow to worry about, since his dad had abandoned the family when he was just seven months-old.
Plus, instead of ever being a struggling writer, Moehringer was a very-promising boy-most-likely who, after graduating from Yale, enjoyed a meteoric rise and won a Pulitzer early in his career. Even the touching father-son plot point was purely a dreamed-up fabrication, as the unmarried author apparently has no offspring.
Pardon me for being offended when a flick revolving around the question of journalistic ethics takes so many liberties with the truth simply to spin a tall tale designed to tug on unsuspecting heartstrings. If this were a championship bout, the ref would have stopped it in the first round.

Poor (½ star)
Rated PG-13 for violence and brief profanity.
Running time: 113 minutes
Studio: Yari Film Group