Alas, Peace Be Still (BOOK REVIEW)
Alas, Peace Be Still
by Jessica L. Angelique
CreateSpace
Paperback, $9.99
132 pages
ISBN: 978-1-468-1340-56
Book
Review by Kam Williams
“I
project an outward appearance of success, confidence and strength. I am a
successful author, a single mom… and a very vocal child and foster care
advocate... [But] when I look in the mirror, the image that I see being reflected
back at me is not that of a strong, capable black woman.
What
I see is the face of an ugly black woman who is a constant failure, has no
self-esteem and is confused and unsure of how to change what she sees. Much of
how I see myself comes largely, I know, from the years I spent in foster care.”
--
Excerpted from Chapter Two (pgs. 22-23)
Jessica
Angelique was surrendered in infancy by parents she’s never known to a foster
care system that would prove to be a living hell. For, from an early age, the
unfortunate ward of the state became the victim of unspeakable violations as
she found herself being shuttled from home to home and from molester to
molester, each worse than the last.
At 5, her
legs were permanently disfigured by a foster father who put out his cigars on
her legs as punishment for forgetting to make her bed. That remains Jessica’s
earliest childhood memory. At 7, she was raped by another “daddy” who forced
her to watch pornography while sitting on his naked lap. And so forth…
The only break
she ever experienced from the revolving door of incessant abuse was the year
she spent with Barbara and David, a white couple who unsuccessfully tried to
adopt her at a time when cross-racial adoption was heavily discouraged.
Otherwise, Jessica says, “my foster fathers never saw me as a child. When they
looked at me, they saw a sexual play toy. They were always staring at me, and
wanting to touch me, and I didn’t understand why… I never experienced a black
man’s hands on me in a good way, as a child.”
Is it any
surprise, then, that the impressionable orphan came to view her own people as
“a cruel, manipulative, hateful race.” Yet, despite her harrowing ordeal,
Jessica somehow matured into a strong black woman who managed to get a BA and
an MBA before embarking on a career as an advocate for abandoned kids.
The trouble
is she was living in denial, since she had never entered therapy to give
herself a chance to heal her deep wounds. That’s why her world came crashing
down on October 27th, 2010 while watching Tyler Perry share his own
life story.
The
floodgates opened and, at 39, instead of continuing to minister to lots of lost
souls, Jessica devoted the next month to belatedly addressing her depression, her
anger and a host of other unresolved issues. Ignoring her sons, her
commitments, phone calls and email, she proceeded to keep a journal while
plumbing the depths of her roiling emotions.
The net
result is Alas, Peace Be Still, a heartbreaking memoir by a survivor with every
right to be bitter. Miraculously, this once-anguished soul has ostensibly put
the nightmare behind her and arrived at a peaceful place of gratitude and
serenity.
As riveting
and raw an autobiography as you could ever hope to read.
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