Tuesday, September 4, 2007

DOA: Dead or Alive DVD

DVD Review by Kam Williams

Headline: DVD Adaptation of Computer Game Delivers

DOA: Dead or Alive is a faithful adaptation of a popular, kiddie computer game which merely pays lip service to plot in favor of eye-popping fight scenes featuring scantily-clad women with gravity-defying boobs performing gravity-defying feats. Like a cross of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Charlie’s Angels, this titillating chopsocky revolves around a winner-take-all, anything goes, invitational tournament of gladiators being staged on an exotic island in the middle of nowhere by Dr. Victor Donovan (Eric Roberts), a diabolical creep with a hidden agenda. The grand prize? A cool $10 million.
Although the bulk of the competitors are men, the real stars, here, are four fearless females: Helen (Sarah Carter), Christie (Holly Valance), Tina (Jaime Pressley) and Kasumi (Devon Aoki). We’re given a good idea of what to expect from this testosterone-sodden teen fantasy when we first meet Christie in her gratuitous, get-acquainted scene.
She’s nearly-naked and just coming out of a shower when she suddenly finds herself confronted in her hotel room by several cops about some stolen diamonds. No problem. Whipping off the towel to use as a weapon, Christie proceeds to wrestle with them in a scene rather reminiscent of an equally-unforgettable bit from Borat.
Warning. Don’t try to follow the plot. Don’t try to make sense of the cartoon physics. Don’t allow yourself to be put off by the cheesy trick photography. Otherwise, you’ll feel betrayed and be bitterly disappointed. The idea here is to sit back and delight in the cinematic equivalent of a fashion runway filled with two-fisted beauties flying around in lingerie, swimsuits and skin-tight attire.
If this flick were titled with truth in advertising in mind, ala Snakes on a Plane, it would have a name like Jiggly Babes Kick Butt. The stuff that post-pubescent dreams are made of.

Excellent (4 stars)
Rated PG-13 for nudity, sexuality, eroticized violence and pervasive martial arts action.
Running time: 87 minutes
Studio: Genius Products

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you're kidding, right?

4 Stars.

Man, you are ignorant.