Jersey Shore Massacre (DVD REVIEW)
Jersey Shore Massacre
DVD Review by Kam Williams
N.J. Pine Barrens Provide Perfect
Setting for High Body-Count Horror Flick
When Teresa (Danielle
Dallacco) and her girlfriends arrive at their rental
house on the Jersey
Shore, they’re shocked to
learn that their sleazy stoner landlord (Ron Jeremy) already let someone else
have the place for the weekend. Luckily,
Teresa’s mobster Uncle Vito (Dominic Lucci) happens to have a summer home sitting
empty in the nearby Pine Barrens, since he’s stuck in Staten
Island under house arrest with an ankle bracelet.
After picking up five
hot-looking guys on the beach, the six cute coeds get back into their
convertible and make their way to a clearing in the godforsaken the forest.
Turns out Uncle Vito has a pretty posh mansion with a built-in pool.
The bimbos slip into their
bikinis and begin flirting with the buff boy-toys, blissfully unaware that a
couple of Mafia hit men were just murdered in the same neck of the woods by a
deranged maniac. If you’re familiar with high body-count slasher flicks, you
have a good idea what’s in store for the unsuspecting revelers.
The killer soon starts
picking them off one-by-one, dispatching each victim in very grisly fashion,
whether that death be by baking in a tanning bed, by decapitating with a
bicycle chain, by stabbing in a shower Psycho-style, by whipping, hanging, wood
chipper, or run through by sword. Much of the violence is highly eroticized
ostensibly to satiate the bloodlust of fans who like their slaughter with a
little titillation on the side.
Written and directed by Paul Tarnopol, Jersey Shore
Massacre is a gruesome horror flick not for the faint of heart. And the picture
also paints a pretty pathetic picture of Italian-Americans, since the principal
players are the sort of vapid, vain characters featured on the reality-TV
series Jersey Shore.
While
the film fails to break any new ground in terms of the splatterflick genre,
it’s still entertaining enough to recommend, provided you have a strong stomach
for vivisection and Italian stereotypes.
Good (2 stars)
Rated
R for sexuality, nudity, profanity, drug use, ethnic and homophobic slurs, and
graphic violence
Running
time: 88 minutes
Distributor:
Attack Entertainment
Blu-ray
Extras: Bigfoot Unmedicated; Italian Ice music video “Melt”; and
Behind-the-Scenes of Jersey Shore Massacre.
To
see a trailer for Jersey Shore Massacre, visit:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDcw8L_M3S4
To
order a copy of the Jersey Shore Massacre on Blu-ray, visit:
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