Jersey Shore Massacre (FILM REVIEW)
Jersey
Shore
Massacre
Film Review
by Kam Williams
Weekend Getaway Turns Gory in High Body-Count Slasher Flick
When Teresa (Danielle
Dallacco) and her
girlfriends arrive at their rental house on the Jersey Shore,
they’re shocked to learn that their sleazy stoner landlord (Ron Jeremy) already
let someone else have the place for the weekend. Luckily, Teresa’s mobster Uncle Vito (Dominic
Lucci) happens to have a summer home sitting empty in the nearby Pine Barrens, since
he’s stuck in Staten Island under house arrest
with an ankle bracelet.
After picking up five hot-looking guys on the beach, the six cute coeds
get back into their convertible and make their way to a clearing in the godforsaken
the forest. Turns out Uncle Vito has a pretty posh mansion with a built-in
pool.
The bimbos slip into their bikinis and begin flirting with the
buff boy-toys, blissfully unaware that a couple of Mafia hit men were just
murdered in the same neck of the woods by a deranged maniac. If you’re familiar
with high body-count slasher flicks, you have a good idea what’s in store for
the unsuspecting revelers.
The killer soon starts picking them off one-by-one, dispatching
each victim in very grisly fashion, whether that death be by baking in a
tanning bed, by decapitating with a bicycle chain, by stabbing in a shower
Psycho-style, by whipping, hanging, wood chipper, or run through by sword. Much
of the violence is highly eroticized ostensibly to satiate the bloodlust of
fans who like their slaughter with a little titillation on the side.
Written
and directed by Paul Tarnopol, Jersey Shore Massacre is a
gruesome horror flick not for the faint of heart. And the picture also paints a
pretty pathetic picture of Italian-Americans, since the principal players are
the sort of vapid, vain characters featured on the reality-TV series Jersey Shore.
While the film fails to break any new
ground in terms of the splatterflick genre, it’s still entertaining enough to
recommend, provided you have a strong stomach for vivisection and Italian
stereotypes.
Good (2 stars)
Rated R
for sexuality, nudity, profanity, drug use, ethnic and homophobic slurs, and
graphic violence
Running time: 88 minutes
Distributor: Attack
Entertainment
To see a trailer for Jersey
Shore Massacre, visit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDcw8L_M3S4
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